I heard you were considering a new manager for your life. I would like to apply for the job. I believe I am the most qualified candidate applying. I am the only one that has ever done this job successfully. I was the first manager of life. In fact, I made all lives, so naturally I know how humanity works, and what is best to get people back into proper working condition. Hiring me will be exactly like having the manufacturer as your personal mechanic. If this is your first time considering me, I would just like to point out that my salary has already been paid by my Son, Jesus on the cross of Calvary. This salary covers the time prior to my hiring as well as my present and future employment. If you decide to hire me I will need to receive from you an acknowledg-ment that you erred in not hiring me sooner. I understand this is a strange requirement, but since you violated the manufacturer’s warrantee by placing your being under inferior management, this is a necessary prerequisite to my engagement. Lastly, I will require a carte blanche (a blank check) to reorganizing and managing your life. I intend to make some major changes and revisions. They are not for you to worry about. I need your permission to execute these changes, My way and in My time. I will establish new goals and objectives and restructure your life to meet these requirements. Please keep your hands out of the way. Don’t try to help me and don’t resist me and we will get along fine. I really do need your full commitment and cooperation in this. If you give me those, the process of getting your life back to manufacturer’s intentions can go smoothly, without delays. I assure you: you will be pleased with the outcome. I will require a verbal contract to all these stipulations in the presence of witnesses.
Yours Sincerely, GOD